No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
