i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
