So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
