the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
