The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
