sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
