Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
