So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Fuck appropriateness.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
