saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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