so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
