my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just shotgunned beers for America
being pregnant is like rehab
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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