He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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