Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
