...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
