Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
