i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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