She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
