My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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