I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.