if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
