I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..