I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida