If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.