very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Randomize
