We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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