Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
