remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
