U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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