just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
