i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
