So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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