I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So squirting runs in the family.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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