My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
