His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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