remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list