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It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
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