And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria