WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
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He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.