I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
