How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
