I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize