last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
