I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
