You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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