I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
