the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
