everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
