So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
