and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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