The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
