Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
