My first STD was from a foam party
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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