I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
