what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
