I want to make a zoo with you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
