so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
