I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
