just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
