He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
