I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
