I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
