A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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