dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
