i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My balls are so social today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
