Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
