Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
