He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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