You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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