i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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