guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
