Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
