You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
