woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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