I am in a vortex of obligation.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
