Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
