I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
