i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
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If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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