woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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