I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize