I am puke
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize