either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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