Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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