If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
