shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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