Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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