Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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