but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
