Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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