But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
