So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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