Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
